Sunday, October 20, 2013

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Internet credits the blog title to Robert Frost, I have no idea if that is true. Fits my frame of mind right now, so there.

 I need some mental sunshine right now.   Ever since my last "life" post back in the beginning of September  It seem like life has been a series of small kicks in the gut.  Follow cut to read on about tales of little tragedies and insignificant woes. 

 I lost my dear rabbit breeding mentor and friend Rocky Altic back the first of October. It was sudden, but to be fair it was not unexpected.  I saw him 6 weeks before he died. Looking back on it, he was obviously  putting on a show that I wouldn't suspect anything more then his health was poor as ever. No, it was failing. Fast.  I'm both extremely sad, and relieved he's no longer in pain (and he was in MASSIVE pain I've come to find out, more than he ever let on to me).  I went to his funeral... It was nice, as nice as a funeral can be. I tend to believe it is very hard for sudden funerals to be "nice"

Good by Rocky.

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The cages... He could barely take care of them anymore, but there use to be HUNDREDS of rabbit here. It was magical when it was full of rabbits back when. 
The barn. I hear they are going to tear everything down now.. Probably for the best, it is rotted..

 But he left me with half the rabbits form his herd, which I'm scrambling to make room for. Thankfully his best friend is taking care of them for me, but still.... Stress, and a financial burden. I've got a plan for temporary cage for over the winter. *le sigh*
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Look! The start of temporary cover my ass cages!  I have a PLAN! 

Then second kick in the gut., the calf we've been nursing  For the past month? Well, the leg turn out to have a huge abscess, which we had drained . The vet told us to keep it open and let it heal for the inside out. It never healed. It just got worse, and worse, and finally we had to put her down. Our first calf. She was five months old. We decided to do an autopsy, and were horrified at what we found. She had septic arthritis  in ALL her leg joints. ALL OF THEM. Her joints were rotting away, being replaced by pus and bial. Even her heart had pockets of pus. It was fucking awful, and I hope never to see it again.  Of course like fools we stuck in all in the ground before we had the brilliant idea we should have sent a sample off to get tested and see, oh, WHAT CAUSED THAT.  Brilliant. 
We are WAY behind on getting ready for the winter, no firewood, animals that need cover, weather changing, roofs that need fixing.  It's overwhelming at times. 
No. No photos. I can't. That was too gross.  

       Top it off, I've been having health issues the last two months with a recurring burning rash on my face. The doctors diagnosis is "Unknown environmental  allergic reaction". Which is just basically bull shit for "I don't know".   I DO know he has me slated for blood work and to check my blood sugar and cholesterol on my yearly exam next month. Hopefully I'll get answer, because, frankly, it depressing and a bit scary. My skin had been peeling, burning, I had splits on either side of my mouth that made it almost impossible to open it, and my current rash has my eyelids swollen and sore. And the Prednisone they gave me is messing with my sleep.  Googling the symptoms brings up everything form diabetes to HIV to Lyme disease... Which, when you are slightly OCD about your health like me, it is a recipe for disaster. 

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Didn't photo well, but this is when I started glowing like a glow stick.  When I went to pick up my med, the pharmacist wasn't paying attention and making small talk. She grabbed my meds, and said, "Hello! Let's see, today you are "looks up at my glowing blotchy face"....... O_O Having a allergic reaction!".  

       I had been really happy till now about my health, I haven't had a lot of issues like I have in the past. Basically my OCD stems from the fact I'm a bundle of slightly over sensitive nerves. I have scoliosis, get poison ivy at the drop of a hat, can't drink store bought milk, can worry myself sick (like, passing blood sick), *and* I tend to get colds more easily than my siblings, I've been very prone to yeast infections and major sinus infections and such, but  this year I haven't had those problems. Bad allergies, yes, but I can handle that.  So I was feeling really happy about it till now.  Meh. Maybe I'm allergic to stress (and I've lost about 6 pounds in 3 weeks....I've cut coffee and alcohol out of my diet except on weekend... I'm hoping that's it. I HAVE been trying to lose weight, but to have lost it like that and I haven't been trying lately is.... Meh. 

And Halloween is just around the corner. I can't get in the mood. I WANT to, but I can't. And Christmas is after that. Where the hell did they year go?  So yes, sad whiny post. I'm going to go sew for a while.